Message
by Milk and Glass
Summary: Addison/Mark. Mark tells Addison everything he wanted to say, but never could. Mark POV. One-shot. Please read and review!


I'm the next act

_I'm the next act_

_Waiting in the wings_

_I'm an animal_

_Trapped in your hot car_

_I am all the days that you choose to ignore_

I've never been one to sit here; you know, in therapy. I'm not sure I even need it. But you get tired of things – you get tired of the way you feel all the time. And I guess I just broke down. Stupidly enough, I'm not as strong as I thought I was when you left.

If you're listening, you might be hanging onto my every word. Waiting to hear about what I really thought of you. Was it beyond the sex? I don't know. But what I did know was that like everything else, I got tired of waiting for you. But you didn't know it and I kept waiting for you to realize it, and then you were gone and I knew you never knew how I really felt. So, now I'm telling a stranger the things I want to tell you. And let me reiterate: it's not helping.

You left and you didn't tell me. We lived together and we had sex in all different places in the house and you couldn't let me know that you couldn't stand the rain anymore. And I've still got this damn cough; I still can't do anything with my hair in this wet and I'm still waiting for you – for your permission.

And I miss you, Addie.

_You are all I need_

_You're all I need_

_I'm in the middle of your picture_

_Lying in the reeds_

We never communicated and that was probably the main problem. I was so happy when we were together even when we fought. And at the end, when you still wouldn't tell me about the baby; when you moved across the country to chase your absent husband, I still remembered how happy I was. You find that person you want to be with forever, and you were it. No, I never would admit this if we were face-to-face. Maybe I should have. You know now, for better or for worse, anyway.

I think you're beautiful. I never could see anyone else, even when you were distant and I was fucking some nurse in the on-call room. I've never seen your shade of red hair on any other woman. And I miss the way I could see myself in your blue eyes.

The therapist asked me to think of one thing I'd want to do with you. And I couldn't think of just one thing. I want to wake up with you every morning. I want to kiss you whenever we want.

_I am a moth_

_Who just wants to share your light_

_I'm just an insect_

_Trying to get out of the dark_

_I wanna stick with you, because there are no others_

You were such a bitch, but I loved you through it. You never gave me a chance and I loved you through it. I thought that one day you'd have to see that I was willing to keep up the chase. You thought I didn't care enough; you thought I'd be a horrible father, and you hurt me. But I keep up the chase, Addie. I keep it up because it's something I can't imagine myself not doing.

I'm shallow and I'm abrasive. I'm an asshole and I know it. And I guess in the end, a woman like you would never have considered a man like me the way that I think of you. Maybe I'm just stupid, hoping that you'd change your mind.

But I love you. I loved you then; I loved your hands and the way you smiled. And I love you still, even though the only way I see you is through the picture on my desk.

_You are all I need_

_You're all I need_

_I'm in the middle of your picture_

_Lying in the reeds_

So I guess even if I sat in years of therapy, it wouldn't make a difference. I could try all sorts of psychiatric techniques to forget you. I could look for a brown-haired or black-haired woman with dark or green eyes and settle down with two kids that have my skin tone and know how to play the cello and go to Little League games. I could do it.

But I love you. And you left, dammit. You left before I could say anything. And even if you delete this; even if it makes you cry, I guess part of moving on for me makes it easier to let you go. I hope you love it in L.A. I hope you get a tan and I hope you find what you're looking for.

This time, I promise I won't chase you. But I love you, anyway.

_It's all wrong_

_It's all right_

_It's all wrong_

_It's all right._

Call me sometime – I'll always have your number memorized.

Bye.

Message ends


End file.
